I’m a hypocrite.
Let me explain: I’ll be the first to declare that my favorite blogs are not the ones with the tastiest food (though I love those) or the prettiest pictures (though I love those, too), but the one with the most authentic voice. You know them: the writers who put themselves out there, and entrust their real, not-always-pretty, imperfect and wonderful behind-the-scenes lives to their readers. I admit that I’m not very good at that. As much as I put myself out there on the internet and on social media, I very intentionally guard my real self because being an open book is not who I am. I want to try to change that. And I think today is a very good day to start, because today we have something to celebrate.
I’ve started writing this post a thousand times, out of nerves, excitement, and because sometimes the only way to process all of the thoughts swirling through my mind is to write. It’s genuinely difficult and scary for me to put personal information out on the internet for all of the world to see, basically for eternity, but that fear was outweighed by my desire to share this exciting news with you.
And it’s doubly scary when you feel like each and every person you share this news with somehow (inexplicably and irrationally) jinxes the news, putting the baby’s health in fresh jeopardy due only to the sharing of said news.
Maybe that’s the hormones, or my paranoia, or my natural predisposition toward anxiety and making things up to worry about if nothing has presented itself, or maybe – wait. Did I bury the lede? I did, didn’t I.
I’m pregnant (!!)
I’m sorry that I have lied to you for so long, and for the probably-mind-numbing one-dimensional-ness of my posting lately, due half to the fact that my brain simply refuses to work past the point of absolute necessity and half to the fact that the only real news I had to share was, until now, embargoed, so I had to dance around it and unfortunately for both of us, I have two, ok 17, left feet.
This is so cliche: “Young woman in early 30s got married a year and a half ago; is now with child. Alert media!” – and it seems like every woman acts like she is the first to spawn. I promise not to do this to you but, as this is my first child and it’s kinda sorta really earth shatteringly exciting in my little world, will you indulge me this one post? Remember: There are doughnuts at the end!
For those of you who are curious: I’m a little over 5 months along with a boy, and he’s due on Thanksgiving Day. I’m campaigning to name him Turkey in honor of his due date, but am quickly and surely losing the battle so I guess we’ll have to come up with something that won’t get him regularly beat up on the playground (you’re welcome, kid.) In the meantime, his other nicknames include Reginald, Reg, Reggie, Henry II (after his big brother, the cat), Shlomo, Little Richard, Baby Bake and Snuffeupagus. Leave your name ideas in the comments below because seriously, naming babies is hard and we’re about thisclose to crowdsourcing this decision.
The pregnancy experience is different for everyone, but for me it has been challenging. Not Kate Middleton-challenging, but still, at times, awful. I had horrible, unrelenting nausea that required medication and only let up about 2 weeks ago. I couldn’t stand the sight, smell, or even thought of food for a long, long time – even chocolate which, under normal circumstances, practically flows through my bloodstream. Oh, and I couldn’t – and still occasionally can’t – stand anything homemade, no matter what it was. In general, everything I knew about my tastebuds and my body were turned upside down and inside out, and it was uncomfortable, but you just kind of have to roll with it. What other choice do you have?
You eat what you can and for me that was mostly plain Greek yogurt and, for 2 weeks straight, one particular kind of fish tacos. I’m slowly finding my way back to myself – my right-side-up self, that is. Oddly, I don’t crave anything, still don’t reach for sweets as quickly (but I am back to enjoying them), and still haven’t tried the new doughnut shop that opened up right next door to my house right around the time when food was a Four Letter Word (WHAT PREGNANT WOMAN IN HER RIGHT MIND IS INDIFFERENT TO ARM’S REACH DOUGHNUTS!!!), but nonetheless look like I’ve eaten more than my fair share of them.
Even though I am still completely disinterested in the doughnut shop neighbors, I thought a homemade (woohoo!) doughnut (woohoo!) sounds pretty good (woooooohoooooooo!). And what better way to celebrate the little doughnut on the way than a festively dressed grain free version. Admittedly, these are closely related to the chocolate frosted doughnuts that I (coincidentally) made for a baby shower earlier this year, but with a slightly different flavor and, of course, bursting with color.
They are dense, cakey, festive and just sweet enough – and, for goodness’ sake, they’re doughnuts, which need no further explanation.
Baked Funfetti Doughnuts
- 1 cup blanched almond flour
- 1/4 cup granulated monk fruit sweetener or granulated stevia
- 1 Tablespoon tapioca flour
- 3/4 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/8 teaspoon fine sea salt
- 2 large eggs
- 3 Tablespoons mild-flavored oil, such as grapeseed or light olive oil
- 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
- 1/2 teaspoon white or apple cider vinegar
- 1/3 cup multicolored sprinkles + more for garnish (see note, optional)
- 1 cup organic powdered cane sugar (see note)
- 1 Tablespoon + 1/4 teaspoon milk of choice
- Preheat the oven to 350F. Spray or grease two 6-compartment doughnut pans and set aside.
- In a large mixing bowl, whisk together the almond flour, sweetener, tapioca flour, baking soda and salt. Set aside.
- In a medium mixing bowl, beat the eggs, then whisk in the oil, vanilla, and vinegar.
- Pour the egg/oil mixture into the dry mixture and stir to combine.
- Fold in the sprinkles.
- Using a spoon or pastry bag (see note), fill each compartment of the doughnut pans 3/4 of the way (you will not be able to fill all of the compartments of the second pan). If you want more, thinner doughnuts, fill just over halfway.
- Bake for 14-18 minutes until doughnuts are risen, just started to become golden, and firm to the touch. A tester inserted into one should come out clean.
- Let them cool for 3-5 minutes in the pan until they begin to release, then remove them from the pan and transfer to a rack to cool completely before glazing.
- When the doughnuts are completely cool, whisk together the powdered sugar and milk until smooth.
- Dip each doughnut, face-down, into the glaze and shake gently to remove excess before returning to the rack. If desired, garnish with additional colored sprinkles. Allow the glaze to fully set before serving.
- It's important to use jimmies, the more oblong multicolored sprinkles, in the batter, because the little ball-shaped sprinkles will bleed their colors and dye your doughnuts a gross green-brown color. You can, however, use either type to garnish the doughnuts if you want.
- To make a quick pastry bag for filling the doughnut pan: Place a medium or large zip top bag into a tall drinking glass, pushing one corner of the bag to the bottom of the glass. Fold the zip top over the edges of the glass. Carefully spoon or pour the batter into the bag, then flip the zipper sides back up, and seal, squeezing the air out of the bag as you go. Snip off one corner of the bag and, squeezing from the top (zipper), use your pastry bag to dispense the batter neatly into the doughnut pan. Discard the bag when you're finished.
- In order to get the right consistency for the glaze, you have to use real powdered sugar (unless you have a reliable substitute; I do not). I tried making the glaze with stevia and the taste and consistency were just not right - I would not recommend it. If you need to avoid cane sugar, or you'd like to keep these as low carb as possible, you can use my sugar-free chocolate frosting to finish these doughnuts instead.
- Store leftovers in an airtight container at room temperature for up to 2 days. If you'd like to make these ahead, store unglazed, tightly wrapped doughnuts in the freezer until ready to use. Before serving, defrost completely at room temperature, glaze, garnish and allow glaze to set before serving.
- Yield: 8-10 doughnuts, depending on how much you fill your pan.